Isela Maria

Everything is Grace

The title to this post is a quote from a favorite saint of mine, in fact she is mine and my sister’s patron - St. Therese of Lisieux. I have always loved this quote because in my life God has proven it to be most certainly true. However, I’d forgotten about my love for it until this past week spent in California.

We arrived in California on Saturday evening and the following day was my sister’s profession of vows. It was our fist time back since Maximus was born and expect for my father no one had met him. Needless to say once my sister’s vows were over there was a rush to our family to give the proper congratulations for Sister, my father, Josh and myself, for her vows and the birth of Max. Through out the day and the following days as people gave their congratulations to us they would often turn to my father and say something along the lines of “Miguel you’ve done an amazing job! Aren’t you so proud of the family you’ve created?! How did you ever do it on your own?” My dad’s response was of course that the feat of raising two girls was not accomplished on his own but with the help of family, the prayers of many, and the graces of our Lord. Sometimes I think people still think of us as those poor unfortunate souls who lost Martha so many years ago. When people look at us with wonder at how in the world we did it, I am reminded of this quote “everything is grace”.

People sometimes marvel at how we’ve survived without our mom, my father without the love of his life but looking back I know its because the three of us must have somewhere in our hearts saw the challenges that came with her loss as graces. Yes I miss my mother, especially as I’ve become one myself but in her death, dying, and absence I’ve learned so much about how to be a better person, a more faithful follower to Christ, a loving wife, and devoted mother. Josh and I sometimes talk about how my life would have differed had my mother lived. At some point one of us will take a long pause and then say “everything would’ve been different”. Josh will usually tack on that I wouldn’t be who I am today and I most likely wouldn’t be married to him. Everything is grace. As I sit here writing this and I take the occasional look up at Maximus sleeping in his swing I know this statement to be so very true. Everything is grace and without the graces of that great loss I wouldn’t be here today.

Being reminded of all of this the past week my heart once again swelled with joy and gratefulness. I’m not entirely sure what the three of us did that we were blessed with such open and faithful hearts - I know they were not of our own making. I often think and am most positive that we’ve only ~~survived~~ thrived due to the unceasing prayers of my mother. I truly believe God knew in His vast and infinite wisdom that she could do more for us by interceding in heaven than by being physically present on earth.

Everything is grace.

A favorite image of mine, our last family photo taken our last Christmas with my mother.

Sister Emily’s Vows

In September of 2001 my older and only sister Michelle became a candidate (the first step in becoming a religious sister) with the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles. At the time I didn’t fully understand what she was doing with her life. We were both young, she was 18 and I was 17. I had always assumed when my sister graduated high school she’d go off to college, instead she followed the Lord’s call. Her desire to fully devote her life to Him didn’t make much sense to me. How could God call my one and only sibling away from her home? To me it was very a much a loss and our family had already suffered a great loss in the death of my mother. I couldn’t understand what God wanted with my sister that she couldn’t give Him elsewhere. Why did she have to go to the convent of all places?! On top of all of the feelings of loss my pride was wounded as well. At the ripe old age of 17 I thought I knew it all, and I knew people would think we were weird for having a relative who was a nun. In my self conscious mind we were already pretty weird to other people and I didn’t want to tack another thing onto that list. I hated having to explain to people why we were a family of three, with one parent and not two and now, now I was going to have to explain that along with - oh yeah and my sister she’s a nun! Me, my pride, and my confused little heart weren’t too happy with God the day my sister left home for the convent. Its been a long road from confusion to acceptance and deep love and gratitude for my sister’s vocation. Through the years I’ve been able to see the many blessings that flow from her giving her life fully to Christ. In God’s great wisdom our family has only grown closer and stronger since my sister left home, and though we might not be your normal family I couldn’t be more proud of who we’ve all become these last ten years.

So two weeks ago when she made her final profession of vows (the final step in becoming a religious sister), I was over joyed to say the least. As a family we’d been looking forward to that for 10 yrs. and I cannot explain how wonderful it was to finally have the day come.

In anticipation of the day I gave Josh a little pep talk the week prior. Maximus had been rather needy for the last couple of weeks during Mass and considering I’m the one with the food I was called to step away for most of Mass to tend to his needs. I ended up only present for the Eucharist. So I let Josh know how very important my sister’s vows were to me and that I intended to be present for every single second of the Mass, if Max fussed, needed to be fed, or have a diaper change he was responsible. I pumped the night before, gave Josh the grand tour of the diaper bag and handed Max off once Mass began. They did pretty good for most of Mass. Shortly after the homily my sister said what I thought were all of her vows so I figured if Max needed me we were in the clear. Sure enough he could no longer be comforted by Josh so I picked him up and made my way to the back of the Church. Once he was calm I returned to discover what I thought was the end of her vows weren’t and I’d missed a very important part. Tears welled in my eyes as I realized I’d never get that moment back, it was gone forever. Just as I was about to cry Maximus let out a little giggle and a huge smile and I was gently reminded by our Lord that Max was vocation and this was my sister’s.

Our very different vocations have called us to separate lives and though we might miss out on some grand events we are forever united in God and at the end of the day thats all that matters. In that moment my heart swelled with joy and gratefulness. It was the first time in almost three years my immediate family had been together for Mass on top of that it seemed as though so much had come to fulfillment for our little family. After years of trying for a baby Maximus James was in our arms, my father was by our side, and Sister Emily was making her final profession of vows! Then my eyes began to well with tears of gratefulness. How truly blessed my odd little family is. We are closer than ever and we’ve been showered in God’s glorious graces. As difficult as the past 10 yrs. may have been as we got used to not having my sister around, and me leaving the state for college and not returning after graduation we’ve been so abundantly blessed because we all in some way followed His call. I was reminded even though our three vocations often call us to lead very separate lives we are always and forever bound together by Christ.

As we knelt for the consecration I kept repeating in my head over and over my gratefulness. No other thoughts were able to flow through my mind but those. I was in awe of everything the Lord has given us. I cannot begin to express how truly proud I am of my sister and how wonderful it was to be present for her vows.

I wish I had an array of images to share of the day but we were unable to take picture during the Mass and afterwards we were flooded by people who wanted to see us and meet Max that my camera didn’t leave my bag until the very end of our day. Here are the few images I do have.

Sister Emily cutting her cake.

After dinner some of the other sisters performed a song they wrote for my sister to the tune of her favorite song Be Thou My Vision. It was beautiful!

Our beautiful little family.

Grand Adventure

Sorry for the silence on my blog the past few weeks but we’ve been on a grand adventure! Last week we went back to my hometown in California for two very big family celebrations. My sister made her final profession of vows to the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart of Los Angeles, and the following week Maximus became a member of the Catholic Church! It was a busy non-stop week, I promise to post all about it once I have the time to sit and write but for now I’ll share the highlights.

Sister Emily’s vows and Maximus meets Aunty for the first time! (Photo from the Carmelites)

Max meets Great Grandma and Great Grandpa (my mother’s parents)

Maximus meets Abuelita (Great Grandma on my dad’s side of the family)

Maximus James joins the Catholic Church through the waters of baptism! Welcome to the family my sweet boy!

2 Months

Maximus James is two months old today. He changes so much week by week that I feel he is much older than that. He smiles through out most of each day, “talks” up a storm, and is moving his hands and arms so much its becoming difficult to breastfeed - he’s like a flopping fish! He has his 2 month check up tomorrow so we aren’t sure of his current weight but we’re pretty sure he’s at least 15 lbs. He has grown so much so quickly I feel like we missed out on the newborn stage and shot straight into very large babyhood. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t ask God to freeze time. As much as I’m anxious to watch him grow, curious to see the toddler and little boy he’ll become, I really just want time to pause for a day or two. I want life to stop for a bit so I can soak up as much time in the here and now as possible.

Here are some of the moments from the past month I wish I could’ve pressed the pause button on:

Lots of naps with Daddy